Monday, January 17

Video Games...depression...friends...

I have spent hundreds of dollars on video games, systems, accessories,  and now sitting here I realize that I have an addiction. Video games for me are an escape from reality, from the depression that I suffer. I have suffered from depression for numerous years and maybe it all started when my own father walked out on my life, its been roughly 21 years since I last saw him. Maybe its the fact that I have a brother who is blind, who has severe brain damage, who even though he is 24 he listens to raffi and barney who depends 100% on us to do everything for him. Maybe its the fact that I suffered in high know the fact that I've only had a mother has made me shy and it has always been very hard for me to make friends or to keep friends. When I was in grade 9 I had a few friends in school, well most I had know for years, grade 10 everyone of them started making friends with other kids in the school, grade 11 was when it all started, I mean by this time most kids in high school already have a girlfriend or are in the process of finding one, I feared girls and I could not talk to them. I never had a girlfriend in high school. By the time I was in my last year, my depression was full blown, I forced myself everyday to go to school, I remember I would sit by myself at the bottom of my locker and watch as all the other kids would find friends for lunch to hang out with and I would sit there everyday by myself and pretend I was doing homework. Some days I had enough courage to leave the school for lunch and go to this little cafe that was a few blocks away and that was my little sanctuary and I felt safe. Some days i would go there and some kids would come in too, and I pretended I was invisible so that they would not see me, but I knew they always saw me and laughed, I felt so embarrassed that the other kids knew that I had no friends and I was a loner. The mental damage that I suffered in high school still haunts me to this day and its been 11 years since I graduated. I can tell you that not much has changed, I am now 30 and still have no depression has never gotten better, even as a Christian I've had suicidal thoughts, I've never wanted to go on medication. I've wasted so much money on video games and yet they don't bring happiness to me. When I am down I buy myself presents to make me feel better, mostly electronics and video games, they are fun for a bit but that's about it, for the last week they have sat in my room collecting dust and I don't feel the need to turn them on. I've been thinking about selling them all, I would be losing money but I don't care.

What is a friend? .... to be continued when I come back from work.

It is 2:40am here and I'm not sure what else to write...what is a friend? Is it someone to go out for coffee with? a restaurant?  a movie? the mall? a walk? to phone? to txt? to go to a bar with? to drink? to smoke? to do drugs with? What is a friend for? Like I said I have no friends, at least not human friends. The only human to human interaction I do outside my family is with customers at work. Someone I know recently rubbed it in my face that I have no friends yet they do and their bond could never be broken, like friends 4 life kinda thing. Well...let me ask you every single person from high school to my workplace, everyone that has made fun of me and laughed "cause I have no friends"...IS THE CREATOR, IS THE KING OF KINGS, IS THE SAVIOUR, IS JESUS YOUR FRIEND??????????????????????????????

 "Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends.
 Ye are my friends, if ye do whatsoever I command you."

 Jesus is my friend, my best friend the ONLY friend I will ever need!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
He laid his life for me!! Can your friend do that? can your best friend of soooo many years do that? Can your dear friend die for you? 
My best friend died for me so that I my live, Jesus took my place on the cross so that I may live, that is what a friend is. 

"For scarcely for a righteous man will one die: yet peradventure for a good man some would even dare to die. But God commendeth his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us." 

Now, that is true friendship!
 Here is a great article....enjoy!!    Torero........
My Saviour Is Also My Friend!

Proverbs 18:24, "A man that hath friends must shew himself friendly: and there is a friend that sticketh closer than a brother." Jesus is my Saviour, but in this chapter I will not write of that. Jesus is my Redeemer, but at this moment I will not speak of that. Jesus is my King, but I will bypass that thought for a moment.  Jesus is my Lord, but I will pass that truth for awhile.  In this chapter I want to speak of my Saviour as my friend.

The heart of man is always craving friendship.  Happy is the man who has a friend.  Happier is the man who is a friend.  Happiest is the man who has a friend and is a friend.  However, it is a little difficult in the June and July days of life to tell the difference between an acquaintance and a friend.  We have to wait for the chilling winds of December and January for true friendship to be tested.  It is not easy to tell the difference when the sea is smooth and reflects Heaven's blue.  You find out only when the sky is overcast and storms descend, for friendship to be proved must be tested by a tempest.

In these paragraphs I want to speak of my Friend, a true Friend.  I want to tell you some things about His friendship, especially will I address those of you whose hearts are lonely, whose sky is dark, whose way is rocky and whose faith oft turns to doubt. I too am alone a lot and have found my Saviour to be a Friend that sticketh closer than a brother.

There are so many lonely souls all about us--a college student who shares his freshman dorm with strangers; a serviceman who seeks slumber in faraway army barracks; the shut-in whose world is a room, whose sky is a ceiling, whose sun is a 60-watt light bulb, whose horizon is a wall, and whose meadow is a floor; the patient who waits and doubts and waits and hopes and waits and despairs and waits and hopes; the senior citizen who is exiled to an island called a rest home; the bus kid who is ghetto-bound and wonders who and if his daddy is; and the widow trying to be a mother and a father to a nest of children.  To you and to others, let me introduce you to my Friend.  Joseph Scriven wrote:

"What a friend we have in Jesus, All our sins and griefs to bear; What a privilege to carry Everything to God in prayer!"

Dr. Charles Weigle wrote:

"I would love to tell you what I think of Jesus, Since I found in Him a friend so strong and true.

I would tell you how He changed my life completely, He did something that no other friend could do!"

Another wrote: "There's not a friend like the lowly Jesus, no not one, no not one."  Still another wrote, "I have found a friend, oh such a friend," and another penned, "Jesus is the friend you need, such a friend is He indeed!"

My Saviour is my friend when I am good; He is my friend when I am bad.  He is my friend when I am up; He is my friend when I am down.  He is my friend when I am happy; He is my friend when I am sad. He is my friend when I am prosperous; He is my friend when I am poor. He is my friend when I am successful; He is my friend when I fail. He is my friend when I am honored; He is my friend when I am slandered. He is my friend when I am cheerful; He is my friend when I am blue. He is my friend when I am obedient; He is my friend when I am rebellious. He is my friend when I believe; He is my friend when I doubt. He is my friend when I laugh; He is my friend when I weep.  He is my friend when I am zealous; He is my friend when I am indifferent.  Thank God, my Saviour is my friend!

My friend never deserts me.  He never forsakes me.  I am always on His mind.  He never slumbers or sleeps.  He encamps round about me.  He leadeth me in the paths of righteousness.  He restoreth my soul.  My friend never tires of me.  He is always faithful, true, tender and strong.

My friend never forsakes me.  When I attended a public school as a poor little boy with no shoes to wear and no nice clothes to cover my body, He was my friend while children laughed at me. He was my friend when my father left our home to leave Mother and me, never to return to our house. He was my friend when the loneliness of the army enclosed me. He was my friend when the people whom I loved like I loved my own life found no need for me any more. He was my friend when I had to take my stand for my convictions, and many of my preacher friends forsook me and fled. He is my friend when I am fellowshipping with my loneliness in a motel room. He is my friend when I am marooned on an airplane island. He is my friend when I am walking out of a pulpit where I have had to take an unpopular stand.

My friend is available.  I have never known a day of sorrow when I did not find my friend by my side. Sometimes He is silent, but He is always there.  Sometimes I can hear Him gently speak, and other times I feel the touch of His hand, but He is always my friend.  When I stood beside the casket which contained the body of my father who had passed away just a few hours before, and who as far as I know never took time to receive Christ, I felt fingers gripping my arm.  I turned to see who was there.  There was nobody near, and yet I felt the fingers as if a real hand had taken my arm.  I know-it was the real hand of my friend!  When the shadows have lengthened, when the day's work is over and when I have delivered my soul, I hear my friend often say, "Well done."

My friend is rich.  He owns the entire earth, and all the world's keys hang on His girdle.  He owns the cattle on a thousand hills and the wealth in every mine.  Earth's jewels are simply those that overflowed His coffers.  He uses His leftover gold as pavement for Heaven's streets.  His smaller pearls are used for Glory's gates.  There is never a beautiful sunset but what His hand has painted it.  There is no music worth singing that He did not edit.

Every color is an expression of His beauty. The mountains are His handiwork. There is never a ray of sun that He did not requisition. There is never a bolt of lightning that He did not order. There is never a clap of thunder that He did not utter. All of earth's crowns could not hold His jewels, and all of earth's diadems could not house his diamonds.

My friend is the Lord of eternity and the Master of time.  All of creation is His handiwork, and think--He is my friend!

My friend always loves me.  He died for me while I was yet a sinner.  All of my life was against His holy purpose; yet He loved me!  He loves me in spite of my sin. He loves me in spite of my pollution, my failure, my depravity and my weakness.  His love is not "because"; His love is "in spite of!" He loved me when I looked at Him and said, "No." He loved me when I drifted from Him as a teenager.  He loved me when I kept His Book closed on the table of indifference. He loved me when my prayer closet was deserted and when I was ashamed to speak of Him.  Why even now, He is my advocate against slanderers and critics, and He sits at the right hand of the Father pleading my case.  He is my friend. He stands forever pleading my case while the Father of Lies lies to the Father of Truth!

My friend wrote me a love letter.  He tells me in John 3:16 that He so loved me that He gave His only begotten Son, that if I believe in Him, I should not perish but have everlasting life.  He tells me in Romans 5:8 that God commendeth His love toward me, and that while I was yet a sinner, Christ died for me.  He tells me in Romans 8:28 that all things work together for good to those who love God and to those who are the called according to His purpose. He reminds me in Philippians 4:13 that I can do all things through Christ Which strengtheneth me. He tells me in John 14:1 that my heart should not be troubled but that I should believe God and believe also in Him.  There He reminds me that in His Father's house are many mansions and that He has gone to prepare a place for me, and He will come again receiving me unto Himself that where He is, there I may be also.  He reminds me in Psalm 91:1 that if I dwell in the secret place of the Most High, I can abide under the shadow of the Almighty.  In 1st Corinthians 13, He reminds me that His love will never fail and even now He is preparing a place for me in the Glory world.

Think how beautiful that place must be.  Look what He did in six days.  He lifted the mountains like pyramids above the horizon and framed them with a cloud-laden sky that provides for me shade while I drive and carpet when I fly He shed the tear of deity and formed a little pond where I may see Heaven while looking toward earth.  He assembles a choir of birds to practice through the night so they can present a concert for me as I go to work in the morning.  He sows me a sample of Heaven's garden when He gives me the rose and takes some of the incense from the altar and sprays it on the gardenia.  He takes me to a mountaintop and allows me to writhe my way, following the fickle mountain stream as it winds its way in a serpentine manner toward its destination to the ocean.  He lets me see the pine tree as it stands at attention in its company of "needley" soldiers who salute me as I pass in review.  He points out to me the redwoods of northern California who stand like Olympic weight lifters after hoisting their foliage.  He shows me the loveliness of diamonds which really are nothing but synthetic stars and substitutes for the twinkling of the lake when the moon is full.  He makes for me a sunset which blends its emerald green, azure blue and topaz tint as He brings the great light that rules the day close enough for me to examine.

All of this and much, much more He did in six days. Think how Heaven must be. Examine the rose, the daffodil, the pansy, the lilac and the chrysanthemum and realize that these are only six-day jobs. Think what Heaven's flowers must be like which have been in preparation for nearly 2,000 years. He shows me the willow, the oak, the pine, the birch and the maple as specimens of six days of work. Think what Heaven's trees must be like. He has been preparing them for me for almost 2,000 years. He allows me to wind my way beside the Danube, the Nile and the Tigress in an effort to tease me concerning what the River of Life must be like. He asks me to taste the sweetness of the peach, the feisty tartness of the plum, the yielding sweetness of the banana, and then gently says, "I made those in six days, Can you imagine how Heaven's fruit must taste?  I have been working 2.000 years on that!"

My friend is gentle. His is not a weak gentleness, for true gentleness cannot be weak.  His gentleness is strength held in check.  His gentleness is like the mighty ocean taking a nap while great waters kiss the shore and while a little child plays in its quiet waters and is kissed by the crest of a wave.

Though my friend is gentle, He is also strong. His chisel sculptures mountain peaks. His pitcher pours the lakes. 'Tis through His brush the rainbow speaks.  His fury spawns the quakes.  His power sends the snowflakes like tiptoeing drops of rain. His breath sends forth the gentle breeze to resurrect the grain. He carved the gorges into view, while morning stars did cheer. He placed a seven-colored hew and made the bow appear.  'Tis God Whose mighty voice I hear and thunders overhead.  Tornadoes are His footprints; spring winds His gentler tread.

The hurricane awaits His call.  The earthquake is His loyal servant.  Lightning lies at His feet awaiting orders.  Tornadoes obey His commands.  Yet, "He walks with me and He talks with me, and He tells me I am His own; and the joy we share as we tarry there, none other has ever known!"

My friend is generous. He gives me all I need and infinitely more. He shares with me all that He has. His wealth is my inheritance. He gives me the world that belongs to Him and the fulness thereof He supplies all my needs according to His riches in glory by Christ Jesus. Through Him I own the music of the sea, the emerald green of the meadow, the peerless blue of the sky, the topaz tint of the rainbow and the nervous branches of windblown trees.

Mainly, though, my friend is exactly that--He is my friend!  He leaves His heavens and enters a quiet motel room to speak with me.  He reserves a seat beside me on a midnight flight.  He understands me when no one else understands and hold my hand when all other hands are occupied.

"There's no friend to me like Jesus!  He my every need supplies.

He not only saves but keeps me. Nothing good from me denies."

Oh, by the way-my friend wants to be your friend too!)
(Chapter 16 from Dr. Hyle's excellent book, Salvation is More than Being Saved) used with permission

No comments:


  • 1. Alberto (As a Jesuit, Alberto helped destroy churches and ministries. But as he read the Scriptures, he saw that Catholicism couldn't save.)
  • 2. Double-Cross (After his salvation, Alberto is a hunted man. No Jesuit can leave his order alive! He reveals the infiltration of Protestant organizations, and warns of false "brethren" in our midst.)
  • 3. The Godfathers (Here's how the Roman Catholic Institution, as the "Mother of Abominations" (Rev. 17), caused many wars. This is the book the Catholic press is afraid to mention.)
  • 4. The Force (This comic reveals how the Vatican is using its occult force to deceive millions. It's the "habitation of devils" described in Rev. 18:2.)
  • 5. Four Horsemen (Here's a clear description of how the papacy fulfills Bible prophecies of the antichrist.)
  • 5. Four Horsemen (Here's a clear description of how the papacy fulfills Bible prophecies of the antichrist.)
  • A WOMAN RIDES THE BEAST, The Roman Catholic Church and the Last Days (Dave Hunt)
  • BABYLON RELIGION, How a Babylonian goddess became the Virgin Mary (David W.Daniels)
  • IF THE FOUNDATIONS BE DESTROYED - What does the N.I.V. of the Bible have against Jesus? (Chick Salliby)
  • MYSTERIOUS MONUMENTS - Encyclopedia of Secret Illuminati Designs, Masonic Architecture and Occult Places (Texe Marrs)
  • PAGAN TRADITIONS - The Origins of Easter, Christmas, and Halloween (Dr. David A.Ingraham)
  • SMOKESCREENS, Who is the "Whore" of Revelation? (Jack T.Chick)
  • The Big Betrayal (The true story of Charles Chiniquy, a former Roman Catholic priest.)
  • WESTCOTT'S NEW BIBLES - Changing the Truth of God Into a Lie (James H.Sightler, M.D.)
"...Tell us, when shall these things be? and what shall be the sign of thy coming, and of the end of the world? And Jesus answered and said unto them, Take heed that no man deceive you. For many shall come in my name, saying, I am Christ; and shall deceive many. And ye shall hear of wars and rumours of wars: see that ye be not troubled: for all these things must come to pass, but the end is not yet. For nation shall rise against nation, and kingdom against kingdom: and there shall be famines, and pestilences, and earthquakes, in divers places. All these are the beginning of sorrows.Then shall they deliver you up to be afflicted, and shall kill you: and ye shall be hated of all nations for my name's sake. And then shall many be offended, and shall betray one another, and shall hate one another. And many false prophets shall rise, and shall deceive many. And because iniquity shall abound, the love of many shall wax cold. But he that shall endure unto the end, the same shall be saved. And this gospel of the kingdom shall be preached in all the world for a witness unto all nations; and then shall the end come." (Matthew 24:3-14)


Now unto the King eternal, immortal, invisible, the only wise God, be honour and glory for ever and ever. Amen. (1Ti 1:17) But grow in grace, and in the knowledge of our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ. To him be glory both now and for ever. Amen. (2 Peter 3:18)